What are the odds?

When you have cancer, the doctors will only talk about your odds of being alive "5 years from now". That is the milestone that they base all of their tests on and that is the basis for how they talk about your survival situation.
When I was first diagnosed with colon cancer in 2005 they told me that my odds of being alive 5 years from then was 80%. Those are good odds and it looks like I will make it since the 5 years is only about 3 months from now :)

So what are my odds now that the cancer has metastasized to my liver? They are 50/50. In other words its a 50/50 chance that I will be alive in 5 years. Either the cancer will come back and overwhelm me or I will survive the 5 years.
So when I think about the future I have to adjust my thinking a little bit. I have to think in 5 year phases. I really think I will be alive 5 years from now. I believe that. I have no idea if the cancer will come back after that or not but I do not let myself think about that anymore. Now I just think about the time between today and 2014. Anything past that is not on my radar anymore which kind of makes life easier if you think about it.
I really feel like I have to focus my life on the present and not the future. For too long I have planned for retirement, worried about finances, thought about all the things you are supposed to think about to get ready for retirement.
Now I have to leave that all behind me (for now). I have to focus on today and tomorrow and not worry about next year. I have to get my life in order enough to survive today's challenges. If I am alive 15 years from now then I will be very happy to have problems. :) I will be happy to be alive, but I am not worried about it anymore.
In a way I have a lot less to worry about than you do. We are all going to die we just dont know when. Because of what I am going through I have been forced to throw away most of what I used to worry about because I might not be there. I have been forced to focus on today. I have been forced to think about my death. I have come to peace with that eventuality. It will happen when it happens but it no longer occupies too much of my time. I can't give up any of my precious time to worry about that anymore.
In a way I am more free now than I was before this diagnoses. In a way I am looking forward to starting the chemo next week, because I WANT to get it over with. I WANT to get past this and live the next 5 years of my life. I WILL get past this.
Peace and love to all...