The road to recovery

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to keep everyone current on what is going on here at the “Chemo Sux House Of Recovery”. I clearly remember last time that I had such high hopes of approaching a “normal” state fairly soon after the chemo stopped, certainly I expected to be in better shape this week than I am. This week has been a huge battle with the “Southern Port” or diarrhea for the untrained J

Along with that there have been the mouth sores, nausea and generally feeling bad all week. I know it’s a matter of managing expectations but it is so difficult to be patient after all this time.  I want to feel normal because normal will be such a huge step forward. Normal just isn’t happening right now and I have to get my expectations under control because it starts to wear me out mentally when I have to fight all these stupid nitnoid  health problems. Believe it or not it takes a lot of mental energy just to keep from picking up things and throwing them around the room! My frustration level is through the roof and I don't have any patience left for nagging problems. It helps SO much to be able to vent here on this blog instead of choosing some other, more destructive, way of dealing with all of this. Clearly an example where technology has made our lives better (hehehe)

Anyway, I am sick of taking meds for one problem and having to account for the side effects of that med by taking yet ANOTHER med. I want to stop taking this crap and just let my body flush it all out as soon as possible. Let's see…what else am I sick of today? I am sick of the bathroom where I have spent a significant amount of time this week, usually with not much to show for it OR too much to show for it….if you know what I mean.

 

Besides the physical, there is also the mental fatigue. My most difficult thing right now is talking to someone on the phone for more than 5 minutes. I find myself struggling to pay attention and getting extremely tired during the call. I have a really hard time connecting the dots between what we talked about at the start of the call and what we are talking about now. I get exhausted trying to keep up and by the end of the call I am wiped out. Weird huh? I think its partly because you only have so many brain cells to handle what the day throws at you and the majority of mine are busy fending off pain signals from the neuropathy, sick signals from the chemo and probably a little depression thrown in as well.  I will probably have to talk to someone about depression when this is settled down a little, I did last time and it really helped. You have to be very careful not to ignore that part of your make-up (the emotional make-up) because if you do ignore it you will not only get sick again but you will also be short handed in the brain department while it deals with the depression. I don't want anybody to think that I am falling apart here, this is one of the normal things you deal with during chemo and I dealt with it last time and will do so again. Just being aware that you are insane is a good first step I think (lol)

 

So I am off to bed because I definitely need my beauty sleep, even more so than normal!! I will keep you all up to speed on the “End Game” of this mess and I am sure the message will be much more positive next week.

For now I am dealing with it and I will overcome it!!

Peace and Love

John